As this pregnancy draws closer to it’s inevitable end, I have so many emotions! Primarily I’m regretting my decision to slack on updates. I do really enjoy looking back on the posts from my first two pregnancies and I wish I had taken the time to preserve more of the memories from this one, too. There is nothing to do about it now and I am resigned, but I do regret it. I thought I should at least have one more update since delivery could likely come in the next week or two.
I’ve been in a state of reflection lately, reflecting on this pregnancy and on my past pregnancies and deliveries. I’ve been wondering what will be similar and what will be different. I’ve been more excited and yet more nervous for labor and delivery. You would think that having two already I would be more reassured but instead my two different delivery experiences have taught me how unpredictable the process can be. Now I am even more aware that there is no way of knowing. It’s also made me more aware of the inevitability of labor, birth, and a baby, which both terrifies and thrills me. It’s like the best surprise and worst uncertainty at the same time. Overall, though, I am unbelievably happy and filled with warm feelings, eager to welcome our daughter to this world.
If you re-read Finn’s birth story (which I just did) you’ll see that a tone of fear, anxiety, and paranoia reigned that day. I want so badly to come into this delivery with more faith, more hope, and more peace. If you read this update please pray that God will help me keep my emotional strength and faith this time.
I also re-read my 39 week update from my last pregnancy today. I am always surprised to realize I have so many of the same feelings but they feel so new and revolutionary. Lol. So I’m going to highlight some of the ways that this pregnancy has been different than the last two.
- I haven’t had a ravenous appetite where food tastes amazing and all that. Instead I’ve had a really weird appetite this time that seems to fluctuate between a craving for healthy foods and the desire for really terrible, processed foods that don’t really taste great but are easy to eat and don’t sound to heavy on my stomach. There have definitely been a few moments of feeling famished and really enjoying a good meal here and there, but it hasn’t been the norm like it was in past pregnancies. I’ve been craving fruits and veggies lately which is awesome! Those are the only things these days that seem to taste as good as I imagine they will. Everything else tastes kind of dull and I feel like it’s all lacking salt haha! And spicy things don’t taste as spicy.
- With both pregnancies, especially #2, I had GREAT hair that was full and behaved. This time it’s oily and awkward. I haven’t been wearing it down as much because of that and because my hormones make me warm already so having my hair down makes my face sweat. Lol, you’re welcome for that info.
- I feel like I’m carrying very differently this time. She sits higher and I’ve gained weight in different places (more weight in my love handles and booty). The good thing about this is that my hips have had wayyy less strain on them. It’s was always one of the most painful parts of pregnancy before but it’s a rare issue this time. Only in these last few weeks and only when I wake up for bathroom trips at night do I feel pain in my hips and struggle to walk on them. The bad thing is that I don’t feel like it’s as flattering to my body shape. Oh well, that matters a lot less than hip pain so I’m ok with it.
- I also gained more weight towards the beginning of this pregnancy but over the past month I’ve actually lost weight at 2 of my appointments and gained at one for a grand total of 3 lbs gained in a month. With Finn’s pregnancy I was eating donut holes and cupcakes and couldn’t get enough sugar. But here I am forgetting to eat then stuffing my face with clementines and carrots. Because of this I’ve actually gained just a tad less than I had by this point last time.
- Apparently with Finn’s pregnancy I felt like I hadn’t celebrated my pregnancy enough. I feel that way even more with this one. I feel like I just got pregnant! Like I never really got out of the fog of the first trimester and the way it made me feel. I think this is partly because I had low iron and until we discovered it I think it was sucking the energy from my body and brain so there were many days that I just existed and tried to get through them instead of trying to embrace it. And being the mom of two crazy kiddos already, I was busy and didn’t stop to think on this new life in me enough, maybe.
- This time I know what it’s like to love your kid(s) and still be able to love your new one already. It gives me a sense of “rightness” and excitement that makes it all that much more exciting.
That’s enough for now. This impatient rambling has been my break from running around and nesting my days away. I think it’s time to get back to nesting and eat something.
One last thing. Speaking of nesting. I have been really killing the nesting thing this time, if I do say so myself. I’ve sewn and crafted so many little girl things and I’m so happy I made myself do it! And that God gave me the energy and time to do it all. I feel like I’ve worked harder and am more prepared than the first two times and like I won’t be starting this new phase of our lives “behind.” There are still lots of things on my list but all the essentials are taken care of. Except packing the hospital bags…. Better get on that…
Baby’s Size| Length of a Leek
Sleep | Falling asleep ok, but several times I’ve woken up around 4 am (once it was 2 am!) and then I am up for several hours or even the rest of the day. It seems that if I go to bed before 11 at night I’m more likely to have these weird early morning wakings. Getting up for the bathroom is so painful. My feet scream in their swollen-ness, my hips feel like they are breaking, I take tiny tiny steps because I feel like I’m going to collapse, my hands feel like giant sausages that won’t close into anything resembling a fist, turning over hurts and if I wake to turn over I inevitably realize I need to use the toilet. Phew. Good things: Lots of sweet dreams of having my baby girl. Last night I really thought it was real! I had to reach down and feel my belly when I woke up to check that it was still there. I also don’t actually feel uncomfortable laying in bed, it’s just moving after I’m comfy that hurts.
Cravings | ALL THINGS FRUIT. Between Finn and I we eat 10+ clementine oranges a day. If I start eating them I will eat at least 5 at a time. And I’m never satisfied. I just make myself stop so they won’t all disappear. I also love grapefruit. I eat one every night for a snack after dinner. If the boys are awake they make me share with them and it’s so hard, but I do it because it’s good for them, too and I love them. lol. I ran out of oranges a couples days ago so I’ve been eating apples instead and they’re also delicious. I’ve been making and eating banana bread and eating bananas in my cereal and in crepes (with raspberries). I’m not all good habits, I also have been drinking a Dr. Pepper each day which is a habit I kicked years ago but I haven’t had the self control to stop yet. Everything else is more routine than craving. Oh I also really like cooked veggies, but I’m usually too lazy to make them.
Food Aversions | I can’t get myself to make tacos. I had tolerate pizza but still don’t love it.
Symptoms | Back/hip pain at night when I’ve been really active. Swelling my hands, slight swelling my feet. Weird pregnant face (lol). Lotssss of Braxton Hicks.
Doctor’s Appointment | Just had one today! Everything looks great and the appointment was quick and easy. I haven’t been asking for cervix checks. They don’t really seem to reveal much or change much until delivery for me, so I don’t bother and my Dr. hasn’t seen the need yet either.
Movement | She is the ultimate acrobat. I don’t remember seeing the movement on the outside as much with the first two. My stomach moves and shifts in all different contorted shapes. Her butt/back are in roughly the same place but she’ll scrape her knees/hips/feet everywhere and stretch out. She moves so much. I adore it.
Gender | If the zillions of hairbows I made last week are any indication, girl.
Best moment of the week | Every time Miles talks to Remi in my belly and tells me how excited he is to meet her and how cute she’ll be. All the little things I get accomplished each day feel good.
What I miss | Missed opportunities during and before this pregnancy, being able to ski (as if I ever did that lol), enjoying food a bit more sometimes.
Check out the updates from my previous pregnancies